What is a toxic relationship?
The first to talk about toxic relationships was Dr. Lillian Glass, a well-known expert in communication and psychology of human behavior, who in her book Toxic People, defines as toxic “the relationship between people who do not support each other, where there is conflict and one seeks to devalue the other, where there is competition, lack of respect and cohesion”.
It can therefore be any relationship, whether romantic, friendly or family, that does not make us feel good about ourselves and that causes us discomfort and unease on an ongoing basis.
What matters is being able to recognize the warning signs and not pretending that everything is fine. Sometimes in fact, out of love, we begin to tolerate wrong behaviors that, in the long run, seem almost normal to us, but which actually hide a real pathology of the relationship.
What are the signs of a toxic relationship?
Needless to say, the first and main sign of a toxic relationship is violence in whatever form it manifests itself. Whether it is physical or verbal violence, it should never be justified. However, there are also more subtle and hidden signs that indicate that our relationship is taking a wrong turn. Here are some that should not be underestimated.
1. You always feel guilty
For something you did/didn’t do, said/didn’t say. If you find yourself always apologizing or constantly racking your brain to figure out where you went wrong, whether you could have offended him/her, you are probably experiencing passive/aggressive attitudes (for example, coldness, silence, withdrawal).
And what if, from now on, he/she started wondering what happened to you instead?
2. You fight too often (and badly…)
Arguments serve to improve the relationship, the other person and ourselves, but if the relationship is based on continuous recriminations aimed at venting or hurting, something is not working. You can fight without communicating. And without communication you don’t get far.
3. You are losing your peace of mind
Choosing to be with someone implies a great responsibility: that of wanting to make them happy. If sadness has taken over and you no longer smile, it’s good to ask yourself what the future could be like if you continue like this. Gray? Next, please! The world is full of wonderful colors
4. You feel “alone”
Do you now avoid sharing your desires and your projects because you don’t feel heard? Authenticity is the basis of every healthy relationship and suffocating your desires or silencing your truest part is a violence you do to yourself. Those who love you not only make you feel appreciated, but work as a team with you.
5. You are distancing yourself from your loved ones
The distancing can be both physical and emotional. There are people who, out of insecurity or because they are in love with their own opinions, tend to slowly “demolish” your dearest affections, whether it’s your family or your friendships. It is not certain that his/her point of view is the right one. So, pay attention to your precious bonds, some things can’t be fixed later.
6. There is a total lack of trust
A little jealousy is fine, but if you get to the point of not having even the slightest trust in the other person, you need to start asking yourself questions. It could be your personal insecurity or there could be real reasons. In any case, mistrust creates a hostile atmosphere that hinders the development of a healthy relationship and, indeed, in the long run, destroys it.
7. There is no balance
Equality does not mean that you have to divide things to do fifty-fifty as in a mathematical equation, but that there must be contribution from both sides. So be careful about always giving without ever receiving; about suffering decisions without being able to have your say; about dedicating all of yourself without seeing the same commitment from the other side. Everything that is unbalanced sooner or later falls…
If you find yourself in one or more of these situations, don’t pretend that everything is fine. A relationship of this type will eventually damage you, physically and emotionally. A relationship, of whatever nature it may be, should not destroy your psycho-physical balance, but on the contrary, give you serenity. So, be honest with yourself and if you realize that the person next to you is not able to make you happy, then make the best decision for you! Even if this means finding yourself alone or losing a friend. By learning to be enough for yourself, you will become a free woman.
Ps. Speaking of this topic, here is the link to an article that might be right for you: Stop dating the wrong kind of guy.
♥
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them”
Maya Angelou
