You become what you think you are. If there is one thing that has the power to affect your life, it is the long chats that happen between you and you in your brain. The things you say to yourself can have a big impact on your mood, your energy and, consequently, your actions. If your inner dialogue is constantly self-critical, fearful or if you tend to scold and discourage yourself, your energy (and in the long run, your entire life) can be negatively affected.
To recap:
- your thoughts determine your mood;
- your mood determines your choices;
- your choices determine your whole life.
Basically everything starts from there, from that wonderful and tangled mechanism: your mind.
I don’t know what period of life you are in. Maybe you are fully satisfied, you feel something is missing or maybe you are waiting for a change. The key point is: whatever moment you are experiencing, if you want to change something in your life, you have to change your thoughts first!
Imagine that your thoughts are the foundations of a building: if they are well done, you can build whatever you want on them, but if they are made of poor material, any new construction will be doomed to collapse.
Thus, let’s start: what do you say to yourself? What tone do you use when you “talk” to yourself? Start being aware of your inner dialogue! As if you were an external observer, you must – in fact – observe a situation. That is, you have to pay attention to what you say to yourself every day and how you say it.
Pretend you have to tidy up your closet: the clothes you like will be folded and stored, while the ones that you no longer like or that you no longer need will be eliminated. Here, it is the exact same mechanism to use inside your brain: if a thought is negative, it does not produce well-being in you, it saddens you or does not help you achieve your goals, it must be eliminated, thrown away, abandoned, disintegrated (you got it, right?).
Here are some “typical” examples of negative thinking:
- “I’m not capable”
- “I cannot change”
- “I can not do anything about it”
- “It’s impossible”
- “It’s too late”
- “If only I had, did / said …”
- “I’ll never make it”
- “I’m not good enough”
- “What they will think of me if…”
If any of these expressions sounds familiar, you have already taken an extraordinary step forward because you have become aware of them. The next step is “removal”. Basically you have to “reprogram” yourself as if you were a computer. Just as the computer kills viruses, so do you with negative thoughts.
So, let’s move on to practice: how do you get rid of a negative thought?
As you might imagine, it is not easy to eradicate a “dude” who has now made a comfortable house in your brain, but there are many ways to kick him out. Personally, I use the technique of “indifference”, that is, when a negative or annoying thought crosses my mind, I don’t give it particular importance, I shake my head and “throw it out”. However, what works for me does not necessarily work for you, so it is up to you to find the best technique. Here are some that you can draw inspiration from:
- Replace: try to replace the negative thought with its opposite (“I am not good enough” becomes “I’m very good at…”).
- Immagine: imagine writing your negative thought on a piece of paper and then tear it, burn it or destroy it. You can also immagine a trash can where to “throw” all toxic thoughts.
- Exaggerate: try to manipulate your thought to make it ridiculous. For example, you can make the faces of the people you fear being judged by funny, or make their movements awkward. You can move the scene into a fun context.
- Share: you might try to talk to someone you trust to also have their point of view. The only condition is that the person you talk to has a sincere and disinterested affection for you.
- Distract yourself: when the thought knocks on the door, start doing something else, don’t ruminate! You can dance, go for a walk, make a phone call.
- Write and tear: you can write down your negative thoughts on paper that you will physically tear off and throw in the trash.
However, no matter which technique you use, you will most likely come up with your own. What matters is to educate your mind not to wallow in disempowering and negative thoughts.
Remember that a small negative thought added to another small negative thought produces a negative attitude. While a small positive thought added to another small positive thought produces a positive attitude.
And a positive attitude can change your whole life: you will feel happier and become a magnet for people. You will feel able to face new challenges and you will seize new opportunities. If you want to learn more, here is a link to my article: The wonders of positive thinking.
So, the next time you will feel fearful or come up with a bad memory of the past, hit the “cancel” button and go on. Your future self will thank you for that…
♥
“Until you make your unconscious conscious, it will direct you and you will call it fate”
Carl Gustav Jung
